i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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