What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
