Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
