so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
