You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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