It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
