bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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