I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
