Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
