Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
