I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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