i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
