She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
