I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
