i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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