1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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