This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My balls are so social today.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
