I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So. Much. Porn.
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