You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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