yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
