i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
