You're a womanizer and a bitch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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