My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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