Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
