yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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