it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
