My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
