Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
