My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You dont lie about slip and slides
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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