should my penis look like a turkey
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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