the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
