whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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