Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
