Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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