she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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