The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
