can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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