Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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