Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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