I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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