i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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