it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
