I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
