That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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