Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
