Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
