we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
