There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
