Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
