My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
