you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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