you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I will pee on everything he values.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
