would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
