this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
