is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I touched a dick in church today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You don't make any sense
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