we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
