At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
