first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
