I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
