the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
