dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Actions speak louder than pants.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
