Fuck appropriateness.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
