this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
