I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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