quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
