Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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