You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
