I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
