i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
