Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
