imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
