Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
